Internationally famous/notorious fashion photographer Terry R********* here! You know, with the pedo ‘stache and the glasses.

I’d been dreaming of attending Burning Man ever since I saw a video of some hot Eastern European fashion models looking ‘pert’, if you get my drift, on some sort of mobile disco climbing structure that I soon found out was called the Robot Heart bus.

I have to tell you, I was pretty much ready to climb all over their structures there and then, if you get my drift. By which I mean bang them.

I did extensive research on “Burning Man” by watching every ‘Robot Heart’ video I could find. I was not-unreasonably lead to believe that Burning Man was some sort of VIP event involving DJs, hot fashion models and that flat desert place off of the car commercials.

Imagine my horror when my trusty assistant did some non-Robot Heart research and discovered there were people there who might not have heard of international fashion photographer Terry R*********, people who …. holy fuck…. might not even have cheekbones. And don’t get me fucking started on toilet facilities that were clearly not designed for hoovering up gak in.

Thank god you came to the rescue, Jimmy Tananburn, with the invite to your carefully-curated camping experience.

My favorite thing about Caravansicle? The Robot Heart Short Bus.

Who’s genius idea was it to stick a couple of stripper poles and some Beats by Dre bluetooth speakers on a 12 seater mini-bus that never even left camp, and schedule a rotating line up of hot Eastern European pole “talent” to writhe over it, keeping the party going, 24/7? Jimmy, you mad bastard, I’m assuming it was yours.

Thanks to the Robot Heart Short Bus I was able to experience the authentic Burning Man experience of leering at fucking hot babes in micro-bikinis on a musical bus. Without even leaving camp! And when I say “leering” I mean inviting back to my unique Caravansicle luxury suite to “take a few headshots because you might have a future in modeling….”

My assistant (who is typing this as I am currently helping a somewhat emaciated young lady out of her underwear) has reminded me to say something about Caravansicle’s commitment to sustainability.

Jimmy! Having the “executive chemical sommelier” chop out endless lines of viagra on the top of that beautiful bar in the VIP lounge went a long, long way to ensuring my sustainability for the duration of Burning Man. Again, this was Burning Man done right.

Looking forward to coming back this year, and after seeing my pics, I believe my old American Apparel mate Dov C******’s thinking of coming too….